The Life & Art Of Shem

Sims didn’t work on my computer… I’m buying a new laptop anyway. I won’t give up. I mean, I paid $50 for this thing and I lost the receipt so there’s kinda no choice left.

I’m sorry to do this, but I really need this off my chest. Kali, Mashi, you don’t have to read this but this is just—like I said—so I can get this off my chest and try, try to just stop thinking about her! Drives me nuts.

“I am watching Twilight with rhap_chan and it’s so terrible. I should have known it was over between me and Rachel when she told me she really loved the Twilight movie.”

At first I liked it, but I thought the movie over again and decided… yeah. It sucked. But I can definitely see why people like Twilight. I kinda like it, but not really. I think the first book was pretty good. But, oh, our relationship was over because I liked Twilight for a second? Interesting how none of her friends commented on that last bit. Well, I guess in that respect I guess I knew it was over when you started like emo music! Just kidding, just kidding, emo music can be nice sometimes.

In another entry, Tat claims that her roommate is checking her out. But Heather insists she isn’t. Shows how stuck-up Tat is.

“There are things I’ve found I don’t like about being in a relationship- love is blind.

I knew Rachel’s flaws but there were things that I never noticed when I was with her. I was bored a lot but I was so in love I didn’t really notice.

With my friends, I know their flaws, and I know when I’m bored, and I say it.

For some, one person can’t fulfill all needs. This can easily apply to me since I have a huge array of hobbies.

I like the different styles of fucking people have. It’s interesting to see how everyone does it and it’s really fun. I’m finding I like sex without the romance because it’s more about the sensation than the floaty love feeling blurring things. I like both but I like the pure sex thing more.

Most of all I love the freedom. I like answering only to myself and always have.

I’m not saying I’ll never be in a monogamous relationship ever again. After all, I sleep with guys now- anything is possible.

I’m saying that it’s not something I desire or will be looking for.”

I bored her. Yeah. I’m such a freaking loser. My whole life, I’ve considered myself to be a boring person. It’s true, I guess. But wait—you didn’t realize I had flaws because you were in love with me? That makes no sense. I loved you and recognized your flaws and I complained about them. That’s part of having a relationship, trying to patch each other up. But some things about your partner you just have to accept and deal with. Things that make your partner who they are. Me, being boring though? How can I help that when you don’t TELL ME WHEN I’M BEING BORING? And if I’m being boring, maybe I just need some alone time. In that case, go away and don’t complain when I don’t call you. You’re a big girl, you can keep yourself busy right? Again, I apologize for being BORING.

And I tried to make our relationship less boring. I tried to take her places, but she just complained, “Ohh why can’t we just hang out around the house?” THAT’S what really got to bore me.

Sex without romance has no real emotional attatchment. What’s the point of just having sex for the heck of it? Tat, I seriously hope you grow up and figure it out. That’s the biggest flaw about you. You’re so damn sexual. “OH I LIKE TO FUCK OTHER PEOPLE OH THE STYLES ARE INTERESTING I LOVE JUST FLAT OUT SEX FUCK FUCK FUCK.” It’s called sin for a reason. It may seem fun for awhile, but soon it’ll make you feel empty and hollow inside. No emotions behind having sex… sounds a bit like prostitution to me.

“On the very bright side I have no STD’s~ Thought so but it’s awesome to know.”

I hope you get one at this rate. Please stop having sex with people just because. I know you’re not listening, but I say this because I still care about you. I don’t love you. Caring about you and loving you are different things (though of course they go hand-in-hand). This is one thing I truly believe in from the Bible: “Love your neighbors as you would love yourself.” Life seems so pointless when people don’t care about each other on a casual level. Everyone’s so hateful anymore…

“At a point in my relationship with Rachel I learned how to hold back my sex drive. She would get mad when I was all over her and in the later part of our relationship, the edge of the cliff so to speak the things she said to me: “You just care about sex, don’t you?” made me feel kind of bad for having the desire to have sex.

I know it’s silly to think that- especially for me but it had affected me enough to create a mental block when I was partaking in sexual pleasure.

When I figured it out I told myself, “It’s okay. You can like it tons. No one can say you’re wrong. You know you like it and there’s more to you than just this.” And then I made myself think of the dirtiest most shameless things I could imagine being done to me.

Problem solved, let the sexy times roll.”

That is seriously all you care about anymore. Yes, it is a bad thing, but I can’t stop you from wanting to do those things. You just go have fun, I guess. Contract an STD. Maybe a parasite. In fact, guys, I will be totally honest here—she does have a parasite and she doesn’t know about it. Well, she does and she ignored it.

When I went on vacation one year, I sat down on a towel on the sand. I must have accidentally sat down on the sand itself and contracted a parasite from it (you know where animals love to bury their… feces). Well, after we had fun for awhile together I started noticing signs that something wasn’t right. I looked it up, and turned out I had pinworms. Nasty, yeah? Well, I got them medicated and they’re gone now. I told Tat about it, but she was sure she didn’t have them. Trust me, Tat, you did. You still do. She never got them medicated. I know for certain I gave her an annoying parasite and she did nothing about it. Ugh…! The medicine wasn’t that expensive either.

Anyway, when you have sex with someone you truly love, it is the most amazing thing. That’s how it was with you, Tat, for awhile. But, now that I honestly think about it, I can’t say I felt true love for you the whole time we were together… Maybe 2/4 years. Sex without love is meaningless. Period.

And word of thumb: If you don’t love somebody, you just don’t. Try not to lie to yourself. And if you love somebody but they don’t love you, that can’t be helped. That is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned from our relationship.

So, so, so sorry about all of that. I’m not trying to kick up drama. Just trying to liberate myself from her. I don’t want anything to do with her anymore because a relationship failed means a friendship destroyed… Mom tells me that’s just a fact of life.